“I Don’t Want My Dog’s Personality to Change” Why Boundaries Don’t Kill Spirit, They Build Confidence

A common concern I hear from dog owners is this:

“I just don’t want my dog’s personality to change.”

And honestly? I love when people say that. Because it tells me that they care. It tells me they love their dog for who they are, not just for how well they behave. It tells me they’re coming from a place of deep affection, of wanting their dog to feel happy and safe.

But my response is always the same:

If I could change a dog’s personality, I’d be charging double.

Because the truth is, that’s not how this works.

Training—when it’s done fairly, consistently, and with the dog’s emotional well-being in mind—isn’t about stripping away personality. It’s about helping your dog express who they are in a way that works for them and for the world around them. It’s about building their confidence, creating clarity, and supporting them in feeling safe and secure in a world that can sometimes be chaotic and overstimulating.

Let’s dig into why that fear isn’t something you need to hold onto.

The Myth of “Structure Kills Joy”

There’s a pervasive idea floating around that structure and rules somehow squash a dog’s spirit. That saying “no” or teaching impulse control is synonymous with being harsh or cold. That if you start setting boundaries, your dog will suddenly become fearful, flat, or withdrawn.

But think about your own life.

You live with rules and boundaries every single day. You stop at red lights. You show up to work on time. You have boundaries in your relationships. With your partner, your friends, your coworkers. You don’t let people walk all over you, but you also don’t scream when someone cuts in line at the grocery store (well, hopefully not). You’ve learned how to regulate your emotions, respond appropriately, and navigate different situations with a level head.

And none of that has made you less “you.” You didn’t lose your sense of humor or your passion for life just because you learned how to behave in a way that’s respectful and functional. If anything, it’s those very boundaries that allow you to thrive.

It’s the same for dogs.

Boundaries Create Freedom

It sounds backwards, but it’s true: the more boundaries a dog has, the more freedom they can safely enjoy.

Dogs who live without structure often struggle with overstimulation and anxiety. They’re constantly in overdrive, pinging from one distraction to the next. They bark excessively, jump on guests, pull on the leash, react to other dogs, chew up furniture, and struggle to settle even when the house is quiet.

But those behaviors don’t mean the dog has a “bad” personality. They usually mean the dog is dysregulated. Stuck in a cycle of arousal with no idea how to stop.

That’s where structure comes in.

When we provide clear, consistent boundaries, we’re not punishing or suppressing behavior. We’re offering our dogs a roadmap for how to exist in the world. We’re teaching them how to pause, how to think, and how to look to us for guidance instead of trying to manage every situation on their own.

Boundaries help dogs feel safe.

They give them a predictable framework, which reduces anxiety and builds trust. Dogs learn that their human is reliable. That they don’t need to be hypervigilant all the time. That they can relax, because someone else is leading the way.

That’s what creates the space for joy! Not the absence of boundaries, but the presence of trust.

Your Dog Doesn’t Change. They Just Learn How to Shine

One of the biggest misconceptions about training is that it somehow “dims” your dog. But personality and dysregulation are not the same thing.

A playful, goofy dog doesn’t lose their spark just because they learn how to settle on a place cot or walk politely through the neighborhood. If anything, they become more fun to be around because their energy isn’t constantly tipping into chaos.

An affectionate, social dog doesn’t stop loving people just because they learn not to launch themselves at every stranger who walks through the door. They still get to enjoy interaction, but now it happens with consent, calmness, and better emotional control.

Training refines the expression of your dog’s personality. It brings out the best in them by helping them move through the world with more ease and less stress. It allows them to experience life fully without the constant burden of confusion or overwhelm.

And most importantly, it strengthens your bond.

Because when you and your dog are communicating clearly your relationship deepens. You’re not just coexisting. You’re working with each other.

The Bottom Line

Saying, “I don’t want my dog’s personality to change” comes from a place of love and that’s a good thing. But the real magic of training is that it doesn’t take anything away from your dog. It gives them the tools they need to thrive. It helps them feel more secure, more connected, and more capable of navigating the world around them.

Boundaries don’t kill spirit. They build it.

They don’t ruin relationships. They create them on a foundation of trust, communication, and mutual respect.

And at the end of the day, your dog won’t lose who they are. They’ll just become the best, most confident version of themselves.

Helping Dogs with Separation Anxiety: Why It Happens and How to Work Through It

Lately, I’ve had a wave of dogs come in with separation anxiety. While the signs can look similar, the root causes are often very different. If your dog struggles to be alone, it’s important to take a step back and ask: is this true separation anxiety, or is it confinement anxiety?

Here’s a quick breakdown:

If your dog is fine being left alone to free roam but panics in the crate, they’re likely struggling with crate or confinement anxiety.

If your dog whines, barks, destroys things, or paces when you’re gone regardless of where they’re left, it’s more likely true separation anxiety.

Either way, we want to give our dogs the tools they need to feel safe, calm, and confident when we’re not there. And while we use similar training techniques for both, the full picture includes everything from crate manners to emotional regulation and environmental structure.

Crate Training Isn’t Just About the Crate

One dog I recently worked with had no problem free roaming when left alone and even walked into the crate willingly while his people were home. But the moment the crate door shut and they walked out the door, it was a full-blown meltdown. Barking, howling, pacing. It got so bad that the business downstairs actually threatened to call the police when he was a puppy.

It’s easy to see why crate training came to a screeching halt after that. But the reality is, our dogs will likely need to be crated at some point. Whether it’s a vet visit, travel, or simply to keep them safe while we’re out, crate training shouldn’t feel like punishment. It should feel like a neutral, cozy space. And for anxious dogs, that means intentionally creating that feeling.

Teaching the Crate as a Calm Space

The first step is clarity. I start every crate session with the dog on an e-collar for clear communication. Walk briskly to the crate and stop just before the door. If your dog tries to rush in, pause and wait for calmness. Once they’re composed, give a calm “crate” command and guide them in.

Most dogs immediately try to come right back out. This is where the crate door becomes a teaching tool. Gently close it before they can exit. Then slowly open the door again. If they push out, close it again. Repeat until your dog stays calmly inside, even with the door open.

Once they can wait without rushing, give your release command and invite them out. Repeat this exercise several times. You're not just teaching crate manners. You're helping your dog build emotional regulation and confidence through repetition and routine.

Interrupting the Anxiety Spiral

Once your dog can enter and exit the crate calmly, the next step is helping them learn how to be alone. Don’t wait until you're rushing out the door. Practice when you’re home and have the time to work through it.

Start with short durations. Crate your dog and walk out of the room for five minutes. Many anxious dogs will begin whining, clawing, or pacing. These aren't cries for attention. They’re signs your dog is working themselves into a state of panic.

You need to interrupt the anxiety cycle with a consequence your dog finds meaningful. This isn’t about punishment. It’s about disrupting the spiral so your dog has the opportunity to calm down. I often use the e-collar, pet convincer, or bonker depending on the dog’s temperament. The goal is always the same: break the cycle and create calm.

For dogs who escalate quickly when left completely alone, a bark collar can be a game-changer. It provides consistent feedback even when you’re not home, helping the dog self-regulate without relying on your presence.

Pay attention to subtle signs of stress like sniffing the crate door, pacing, or pawing at bedding. Interrupting early prevents escalation and sets your dog up for success.

Once your dog can stay relaxed in the crate while you're home, it’s time to practice short absences. I use a baby monitor or Facetime to watch and correct from outside. Keep sessions short and increase gradually as your dog improves.

Calm Exits and Intentional Goodbyes

One of the most effective things you can do is stop making a big deal when you leave.

No petting, no baby talk, no emotional goodbyes. These actions spike adrenaline and raise your dog’s anxiety just before you walk out the door. Instead, crate your dog 15 to 20 minutes before leaving. This gives them time to settle, and you time to address any early stress signals.

The goal is for your dog to associate crate time with neutral, calm moments rather than emotional transitions.

Controlling Movement in the Home

Separation anxiety rarely exists in isolation. Most dogs who struggle with being alone also struggle with independence while you're home. They follow you from room to room, rest at your feet, and can't seem to relax unless you're nearby.

It might seem like loyalty, but more often it’s insecurity. Your dog is trying to control the space and reduce their own anxiety by staying close to you.

One of the best ways to counter this is by teaching a strong place command with duration. It gives your dog a job, creates structure, and teaches them how to self-soothe even when you’re across the room. It's not just obedience. It’s mindset work.

Give It Time, and Stay Consistent

Separation anxiety in dogs can be incredibly frustrating. It takes time, consistency, and commitment to work through. But with a clear plan and the right tools, your dog can absolutely learn how to relax and thrive in your absence.

Through crate training, movement control, and emotional regulation, we’re giving our dogs more than just manners. We’re giving them confidence. And that kind of change lasts.

If you're struggling with these issues, don’t hesitate to reach out. We offer structured dog training programs in Baltimore that are designed to support both dogs and their people through real-world change.

Leash Reactivity - Why It Happens and How To Fix it

Leash reactivity (lunging/barking/growling on leash at other dogs, people, or small animals) can develop from a multitude of reasons, and it is actually the number one problem dog owners contact me about for training! It usually starts with a small growl, a look, or tension and before you can blink it turns into a full blown meltdown at the end of the leash. So let's break it down:

1. Why it Happens

It can happen for one of two reasons. The dog is scared and throwing a fit makes the other dog/person back away/give space, or the dog is extremely excited and the leash (or fence) creates frustration that the dog can't reach what they want so a meltdown ensues. A lot of dogs are fine once off-leash because they can either create space or are able to reach what they want. This is exactly why I don't immediately categorize these dogs as aggressive, even if the behavior looks scary. 

• Fear: Fearful dogs want to run away. If they can't escape they will do the next best thing, which is fight (or at least let everyone know they are ready to). Many times we miss the opportunity to advocate for our dogs at the first sign of them being uncomfortable. This develops into a pattern and they learn that if they go on the offense and act intimidating, no one will even approach them. 
• Excitement: Excited dogs often times lack impulse control, so as soon as they see another dog, they want to go and greet it! Obviously the leash will prevent that and the frustration of not being able to greet can cause an explosion of sorts. This can also develop into a habit of seeing dog = meltdown. 

How to Fix it:

I always tell my clients that dog training is a lifestyle, not a set of commands. The reasons for dogs bad behavior has many layers and breaking them down makes them easier for you and your dog to digest. 

1. Build Impulse Control Inside

A dog's attitude has everything to do with bad behavior so we always start there. If your dog feels entitled to run the show inside the house, they will most certainly feel that way on the walk. Leadership exercises are where we start: Going through thresholds, coming in and out of the crate and waiting for food. These exercises are such a valuable way to build impulse control and teach your dog that they need to wait patiently and not act on every single feeling they have. Leash reactivity starts long before the walk with your dog even begins. 

2. Block the reaction

When dogs are excited or fearful, their emotions are in a heightened state. Their adrenaline is pumping and hearts racing so making good decisions is much harder, if not impossible for them to do. When we block this response, it allows them to clear their mind and focus in on what is important, you! The interruption can be with an Ecollar tap, prong collar correction, pet corrector, or whatever is valuable enough to your dog to stop. If we do not use a consequence that the dog deems valuable, we allow them to stay stuck in an endless loop of anxiety and frustration. 

3. Show the dog behavior that you do want

Once your dog has a clear mind, we can start showing them what we do want. Dogs want to know that someone is in charge, so they don't have to worry or stress our about what is going to happen next. We ask all of our dogs for a nice heel, so that becomes their "job" and the only thing they need to focus on during their walk. This allows dogs to relax and just enjoy their time outside with you. For reshaping your dogs emotional response to other dogs we use a "crittering" technique you can learn more about here. In short, we teach dogs using Ecollar pressure on low-levels that being overly aroused by other dogs or small animals isn't as comfortable anymore, and when they make the choice to redirect their attention they are rewarded with food. 

This is of course a condensed break-down of leash reactivity, and there are many variables that I haven't touched on. It is a process, but please know that there is hope! Dog's bad behavior are habits, built over time. The great part about this is that new habits can be built in their place! 

Why I Use Prong Collars

There are so many tools in dog training, and it can certainly be overwhelming trying to choose. There is also a lot of information out there on what training tools to use and why or why not. Dog training methods bring out the passion in people and I completely understand as this is where I started too! My foster dog was OUT.OF.CONTROL. and no amounts of treats or bribes would help! I dutifully did my homework from each training class to no avail. I was frustrated and at the end of my rope. I had asked my rescue for help and advice and was met with silence (a post for another day:). This led me on a long and windy google adventure which landed me where I am today. 

I still cringe thinking about one of the first walks I took him on the Promenade in Canton. This is a beautiful walkway which has the most amazing views of the Inner Harbor with incredible houses overlooking the water. I was with some girlfriends and we were walking to a coffee shop in Fells Point. We never made it. He was on a slip lead and I was so miserable that we had to turn around. He dragged me all over the path, my arm was sore and he couldn't even see another dog or he would let out this awful screeching noise. I was embarrassed, defeated and couldn't wait to get home. 

I think back now to the difference that training tools could have made and it honestly makes me sad. He would have enjoyed so much more and I would have enjoyed my time more with him. My experience with him set me on my path so I don't regret it a bit, but this is why I am so passionate about SHOWING people the difference that training tools can make. It is one thing to talk about it, but when I saw other dog trainers making a difference in such a short amount of time I was hooked. 

Prong collars look bad, there is no doubt about that. Before I started in balanced training, I too felt that hesitation! But the reality is that this is how your dog communicates, and it starts from birth. The prongs mimic the mouth of another dog. When rearing her puppies, the mother dog uses pressure from her mouth to communicate. Have you ever seen a video (or real life) of a puppy biting its mother too hard? The consequence is immediate and to the point. She's not mad, but puppy teeth hurt and she wants to make sure they don't do it again. What about a dog at a dog park that is pestering another dog or being rude? A dog that is balanced will use its mouth to let the other dog know that its not ok to do that. Sometimes they get it, and sometimes the dog will have to give a firmer correction to get his point across. 

The beauty of the prong collar is that it can be incredibly soft and the results are almost immediate when introduced properly. Most dogs are so out of control because they truly don't understand what you are asking. The pressure brings familiarity and understanding to your conversation. When I introduce the prong, it is to show the dog to give to the pressure and follow my lead. Dogs need stability and crave structure. This allows them to relax and make better choices when faced with exciting situations. 

The following video is this dogs first time in a prong collar. The very first step in training is to cut out the adrenaline and ask them to follow me. As you can see, the dog immediately relaxed and began giving some great eye contact. The end goal of training is always a better relationship with good communication. 

Why Duration Work Changes Everything

In most training programs, basic obedience is the starting point. And rightfully so. Teaching your dog how to sit, come, heel, and lie down creates structure and opens the door to better behavior. But that’s just the beginning.

The real transformation happens when we add duration.

Active commands like come or heel are important. They give us a way to move through the world with our dogs, especially in high-energy situations. But duration work is where dogs learn to slow down. To stay in one spot. To be still. That’s where we see their mindset start to shift.

Duration Work Builds Emotional Control

Think of duration work as doggie meditation. When a dog holds a command like place or down for an extended period, they are learning how to regulate their nervous system. It teaches them how to quiet their mind and let go of whatever is happening around them.

And that’s a huge relief for most dogs.

Many behavior problems stem from one thing: a lack of impulse control. Leash reactivity, barking out the window, jumping on guests, charging the door, these are all reactions to excitement, arousal, or stress. The dog feels something and immediately acts on it.

Duration work teaches the opposite. It gives your dog the ability to feel something, pause, and choose stillness instead of chaos.

That’s real progress.

It Also Reduces Stress

One of the most important things we teach in our training programs is this: your dog is not responsible for what happens around them.

They don’t need to control who comes to the door, who’s walking past the house, or what animals are in the yard. That’s your job. Their job is to stay in command and trust that you’ll handle the rest.

And when dogs finally understand that, they relax.

They stop monitoring everything. They stop feeling overwhelmed by the environment. Instead of living in a constant state of alert, they begin to rest, decompress, and let go. For a lot of dogs, this is the first time they’ve ever felt that kind of peace.

Start Small and Build

If you teach your dog nothing else, teach them place.

Start while you're watching TV or answering emails. Have your dog stay on their place bed while the house is quiet and calm. Once that’s going well, start to layer in mild distractions. Walk around. Open a door. Make some noise in the kitchen. Gradually increase the challenge while keeping your expectations consistent.

The goal isn’t perfection. It’s progress.

Over time, this becomes less of a training exercise and more of a lifestyle. Your dog learns that they don’t have to follow you from room to room. They don’t have to react to every sound or movement. They can just be. And that is a powerful mindset shift.

What Happens After Training

When clients graduate from our program, one of the first things we recommend is to keep a daily place routine.

Even 30 minutes a day makes a big difference. It gives your dog a clear job, reinforces your leadership, and maintains the emotional regulation they’ve built during training.

Calm minds don’t happen by accident. They’re created through practice, structure, and consistency. And once it becomes a habit, everything gets easier, walks, guests, travel, downtime at home. You’ll notice your dog becomes more thoughtful, more responsive, and more in tune with you.

The Takeaway

Duration work is simple, but it’s not easy. It takes commitment. It takes patience. But the payoff is huge.

If your dog struggles with reactivity, barking, overexcitement, or general chaos, this is your way forward. Start with place. Start today. Keep showing up.

Your dog doesn’t just need obedience. They need a calm mind. And duration work is the path that gets them there.

Ways to drain excess energy in your dog

Sometimes after training, dogs still need that extra "something" to tire them out. This is common with working dogs and power breeds (Pitbulls, Rottweilers, German Shepherds, etc.). Some dogs were bred to have that extra stamina, and as much physical activity/mental activity as you do, it may still not be enough. Our goal in training is to teach the dog to choose calmness and regulate their emotions, but taking the edge off will definitely make it easier for your dog to get there. Here are some ways that I recommend to clients to help when obedience and regular walks just aren't cutting it (Where to buy links at the bottom of this post):

1. Backpacks

This is the easiest option because you can just strap it on during a regular walk and go! Backpacks give dogs a job and a sense of purpose, even if they are just carrying it back to the house! We get to leave the house and go to work everyday, so your dog having a job will fulfill that same need. 

It will also add "extra" time to your walk. When your dog walks with a weighted backpack on a normal 30-minute walk, it will provide the same physical challenge as a 1-hour walk. Your dog will have more focus on what he is carrying, and less on what is going on around him. 

The general rule for how much weight you should add is 10-12% of the dogs body weight. However, you should start small and add more weight as time goes on. As for what to add in the pouches, I have used water bottles, cans of food and rice. But you can get creative! Please be aware of what your dog can handle, and if they have any sort of health issues with joints or overexerting themselves, it may not be best to use this method. 

2. Flirt Pole

This is a fun one that you AND your dog will enjoy. It drains energy quickly and is great practice of impulse control. You can add in obedience to mix it up, and then let your dog have some fun! The best part is that you don't have to leave your house, and while your dog gets an amazing workout, you don't have to ;)

The toy at the end of the rope mimics prey, and all you have to do is stand and drag the toy on the ground (or high up for some jumps if you're feeling it!). For dogs with high prey drive this is a great way to practice being aroused, and then stopping when you say so. The "on/off" switch if you will! 

Make sure your dog has a solid "out" command, and the game ends when you say so. Also be sure to practice sit/downs in less exciting environments first, so we can be fair when we ask for obedience with more distractions. 

3. Tug-of-War

Tug-of-War can be a controversial one because it can create conflict between the handler and dog. If your dog has any type of aggression issue please do not do this without professional guidance. With that being said, it is also a great way to reinforce boundaries while still having fun. 

Like the flirt pole, it gives your dog an outlet for that excess energy and gives you an opportunity to work obedience and impulse control. Allowing your dog to get into a high state of arousal and then calling them off is excellent practice for real world situations. Again, it is super important to make sure your dog has a solid "out" command and you have practiced obedience in lower distraction environments first. 

Where to buy:

1. Backpack

2. Flirt Pole

3. Tug

Having issues on the Walk? Start inside!

The majority of my clients come to me with some sort of issue with the walk with their dog whether it be pulling on the leash, barking at other dogs or people, or just completely tuning them out. And my very first question is, "How are they inside?" 

A lot of the dogs are calm per se, but won't listen when called, jump on furniture, freely roam and pace, jump on guests, and bark at the door. I always advise my clients when they are struggling outside with their dog that they absolutely need to tighten up the boundaries inside. The majority of bad behaviors in dogs are rooted in fear (barking, lunging, territorial stuff). Dogs that feel they are in control will more often than not make bad choices simply because they feel they are in danger and need to protect themselves. 

A common problem once we get the walk situated is that the dogs head is on a "swivel" and is constantly looking around. This is the jumping off point for arousal and although they are calmer, any sort of stimulation could set them off, starting the cycle all over again. The ideal position for a dog to be in on a walk is head directly next to or behind your knee. If the dog has more serious behavioral issues, the head needs to be further back to create a clearer boundary that they are no longer in charge. If you watch any clip of a wolf pack traveling, the followers are behind the leader with their heads down, in a determined trot to their destination. 

So how do we fix this? The very first place we start with every dog in training is the Place Command. This teaches your dog to have an off switch, builds impulse control and to make good decisions on their own. The value is this command is the duration, as it is a doggie meditation of sorts that shows your dog that he can turn off his mind, relax, and not need to worry about what is going on around him. Your dogs only job is to stay on his bed. Once they get good, you can practice increasing distraction, duration, and distance, and adding triggers.

Starting inside with low distractions will get your dog in a state of mind that defers issues to you, therefore not worrying about everything thats going on around them. Dogs that are constantly looking around are worried! Providing them with leadership and clear boundaries gives your dog a sense of peace that they no longer have to worry about being in control. Do yourself and your dog a favor, teach the place command!

Should You Let Your Dog on the Furniture?

This is one of the most common questions I get from dog owners: "Is it okay if my dog is allowed on the couch or the bed?"

The short answer is that it depends. There isn’t a universal right or wrong here, but there is a right or wrong for your dog, your home, and your lifestyle.

Let’s break it down.

What Message Is Your Dog Receiving?

Dogs don’t come pre-programmed to understand the difference between furniture rules and leadership. In many cases, allowing a dog on the couch isn’t about the couch at all. It’s about how the dog behaves while they’re there.

If your dog can calmly hop up when invited, hang out respectfully, and get down when asked, then furniture access might not be a big deal. But if your dog guards the space, ignores your commands, becomes overstimulated, or treats the couch like their personal throne, it’s time to rethink things.

It’s not about dominance. It’s about clarity. If your dog can’t take direction from you in high-value areas like the bed or couch, that’s usually a sign that more structure is needed in other parts of your routine too.

Permission-Based Privileges

One of the easiest ways to keep things clear is to make furniture access invitation-only.

That means your dog doesn’t get to jump up whenever they feel like it. You invite them up. You ask them to get down. And you follow through. This keeps you in charge of the resource and reinforces that access is earned, not assumed.

If your dog struggles with impulse control or pushy behavior, taking a break from furniture access can be really helpful. It gives you space to reset the tone in the house and gives your dog the chance to practice calm, respectful behavior on the floor first.

Cleanliness and Personal Preference

Sometimes the decision has nothing to do with training and everything to do with lifestyle. Big dog, white couch. Allergies. Young kids. There are plenty of valid reasons to keep your dog off the furniture and that’s totally fine.

Your dog won’t feel unloved if they’re not sleeping in your bed. Dogs care more about consistency than comfort. As long as your rules are clear and you stick to them, your dog will adapt.

What We Recommend

In our training programs, we usually start with no furniture access. This gives us a clean slate, helps build impulse control, and removes unnecessary gray areas. Once the dog is calm, respectful, and responsive, furniture can be reintroduced as a privilege.

There’s nothing wrong with couch cuddles if your dog has earned them and can handle them well.

The Bottom Line

It’s not really about the couch. It’s about the relationship.

If your dog sees furniture time as a chance to relax near you and is respectful of the space, that’s great. If it’s creating conflict or chaos, it’s time to step back and create clearer boundaries.

Whatever you decide, just be intentional. Choose the rule that works best for your household, and stick with it. Whether your dog is curled up on the couch or relaxing on a bed nearby, what matters most is the mindset behind the behavior.